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Confessions of a New Beginning

Today I had a face-to-face interview with 4 women in order to join their women’s business collective, which had me feeling quite nervous. This was a group of American women, dressed like Americans, talking like Americans…asking me about ME (no longer really an American). I was vacillating between hoping I could be one of them and clinging to my “otherness”. After sharing about my previous experience in Africa, one woman asked, “What makes you want to join our group?”

I answered honestly, “Because this group of bold, world-changing women are inspiring.” As I said those words, my eyes began to tear up and my chin began to shake. This surprised everyone, most of all ME. We all assumed that it was the inspiration that moved me, but deep down, I knew there was something else going on, but I had no idea what that was.

When I got home, I put my hand on my heart and asked myself, “What’s going on, girl?” To which I heard, “Wanting to be a part of this group means leaving the other group. I don’t want to move on. I don’t want that to end.”

Those tears were grief.

We are always focused on the new beginnings. But before any beginning can happen, there has to be an end.

So, even as I sit here writing this, the tears are coming again. Many times, Beginnings are full of excitement and possibility, but Endings are just hard. Period. And that is ok.

With each new step into this new life here in the US, my life as an expat in Africa is ending (at least for the time being). And that makes me sad.

How has grief showed up in your life in really unexpected ways? How did you process through that grief? Share your experience below.

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